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孔雀东南飞英文搞笑剧本

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孔雀东南飞英文搞笑剧本,真的急死了,求好心人回复!

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2025-06-29 22:12:28

Title: "The Peacock Flies East... Or Maybe South? A Funny English Version of 'The Peacock Flies Southeast'"

Characters:

- Jiao Zhongqing (JZQ) – A guy who's more into poetry than practical life.

- Liu Lanzhi (LLZ) – His wife, smart, strong-willed, and a bit dramatic.

- Mother (MOM) – JZQ’s mom, strict and traditional.

- Liu’s Brother (LB) – Overprotective and over-the-top.

- Narrator (NARRATOR) – The voice that tells the story, but with a funny twist.

Scene 1: The Wedding Day (But Not So Happy)

(A small house. JZQ is wearing a suit made of old newspapers. LLZ is in a dress made from curtains.)

NARRATOR:

Once upon a time, in a village so small it had its own weather, there was a couple named Jiao Zhongqing and Liu Lanzhi. They got married… because they had to. Their parents arranged it. It was like a TikTok trend — everyone was doing it, so they did it too.

JZQ (to LLZ):

You know, I think we should’ve just gone to a dating app. At least then I could’ve swiped left.

LLZ (deadpan):

And you’d have found someone who likes your poetry. Which is… not many people.

NARRATOR:

They tried to be happy. They tried to be romantic. But something was wrong. And it wasn’t just the fact that JZQ’s “romantic poem” was written in crayon.

Scene 2: The Mother’s Big Idea

(JZQ’s mom walks in with a clipboard and a stern look.)

MOM:

Jiao Zhongqing! You’re wasting your life with this girl. She’s not even rich. What if she starts crying at dinner?

JZQ:

Mom, she’s not that bad. She just cries when she reads Shakespeare.

MOM:

That’s not normal! We need to get you a wife who can cook and doesn’t argue about the meaning of love!

NARRATOR:

So, the mother decided to do what all good mothers do: make her son break up with his wife. But not in a nice way. In a very dramatic, family-meeting-way.

Scene 3: The Breakup (With a Side of Drama)

(LLZ is sitting on a bench, looking sad. JZQ walks in, holding a note.)

JZQ:

Lanzhi… I don’t think this is working out. My mom says we should split up.

LLZ (teary-eyed):

So that’s it? You’re just going to walk away like a coward?

JZQ:

I’m not a coward! I’m just… following orders.

LLZ:

Orders? From your mom? That’s not a real reason.

NARRATOR:

And thus, the most famous breakup in Chinese literature began. But instead of being tragic, it was just really awkward.

Scene 4: The Brother’s Big Entrance

(Liu’s brother storms in with a sword and a loud voice.)

LB:

Lanzhi! You are not allowed to be sad! You are beautiful, you are strong, and you will find a better man than that poet guy!

LLZ:

Why are you carrying a sword?

LB:

It’s for protection! What if he comes back and tries to win you back?

NARRATOR:

This was not a typical brother. This was a warrior brother. A drama queen brother. A brother who believed in justice, even if it meant fighting a man who wrote bad poetry.

Scene 5: The Tragic Ending (But Also Hilarious)

(LLZ is standing by the river, looking at the water. JZQ is nearby, trying to apologize.)

LLZ:

I can’t live without you. I won’t live without you.

JZQ:

Wait, no! Don’t jump! We can fix this! I’ll write you another poem! I’ll try harder!

LLZ:

Too late. I’ve already made my decision.

(She jumps into the river. JZQ runs after her. They both drown.)

NARRATOR:

And so, the two lovers died. But not before making sure that their story would be remembered forever. And also, that every future couple would know: never marry someone whose poetry is written in crayon.

Final Scene: The Aftermath

(A crowd gathers around the two bodies. The narrator stands in front of them.)

NARRATOR:

So, what did we learn from this story? Never listen to your mother. Never trust a guy who writes poems in crayon. And always check if your girlfriend has a sword-wielding brother.

[Curtain closes.]

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End of "The Peacock Flies East... Or Maybe South? A Funny English Version of 'The Peacock Flies Southeast'"

Let me know if you want a version with more jokes or a different tone!

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